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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25858636">The Grief of Goodbyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixRising360/pseuds/PhoenixRising360'>PhoenixRising360</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCIS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:54:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,940</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25858636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixRising360/pseuds/PhoenixRising360</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony moves on...or does he? Season 4 team mentioned, but not all are featured, plus a couple of OCs. Story written in 2018, dusted it off and decided to post. Complete.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>126</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>

  </p>
  <p>PROLOGUE</p>
</div>Tony DiNozzo stood speechless. The world seemed to move in slow motion as he took in the scene before him. Tim’s bleached grin was bright in the moment and seemed like a beacon for a moment. Tim broke their surprised reverie first and walked over to his desk to look in the box sitting on top. Still grinning, he started rearranging his desk. Tim’s desk…his old desk…was now piled high with all the stuff that was in the desk Gibbs just reclaimed. He finally noticed Michelle Lee, her arms full of her stuff, looking shell-shocked. She caught his eye for a second and for a moment they understood each other, shock and something unnamed. Tony watched as Michelle quietly walked away.<p>He and Ziva glanced over at each other. She was as shell-shocked as he was, for all she acted like nothing ever surprised her. Tony looked away, staring at his and Tim’s desks now, seeing all their stuff stacked neatly, like Gibbs had taken his time stacking it neatly.</p><p>"Tony, Gibbs is back! Isn't that great?"</p><p>Tony wouldn’t remember later who exactly said that…he couldn’t even remember what gender the voice was who said it, but the words managed to snap Tony out of his slow motion reverie and then world was spinning at a dizzying pace again.</p><p>"Yeah," he summoned up every bit of enthusiasm he could. "That's really great!" He smiled so wide he showed his teeth.</p><p>Why didn't anyone tell me Gibbs was returning? Why didn't the Director say anything? Or Gibbs himself? When did this happen? Why didn't anyone tell me that Tim and I were being demoted? That was what this was, after all. No one could've made it clearer. Tony's cheek throbbed in that moment and he realized that an actual hard slap across the face would've felt better than this.</p><p>The bullpen was unusually quiet but Tony could almost feel the happiness radiating off Tim. He wasn’t sure why Tim was so happy. Sure, they all missed Gibbs, but neither had been prepared for…this. Ziva, also, had started to smile as she looked over at Gibbs every so often. Tony set his bag down in his chair. Since he'd taken over as team lead, he kept fewer and fewer personal items at work, having wanted to quit so many times in the last few months since Gibbs left them. He might've loved being a team lead under different circumstances. Instead Abby spent all four months with a shrine to Gibbs in her lab, sticking trainee stickers on his back and nagging him about going to find Gibbs and bring him home where he belonged. He held her when she cried, he reassured her as best he could but she'd been inconsolable. Then, once she managed to stop crying, she was upset and angry in turns and she took her anger out on him and Tim and Ziva. And Tim and Ziva…well, he’d screwed that up. He wondered why Gibbs let him get away with behaving as he had when he was his senior field agent. He could’ve and should’ve done his job as senior field agent better and deep down, he knew Ziva didn’t respect him. Tim’s respect wasn’t as grudging, but sometimes Tim had made little digs at him. They seemed to come to mind in cold clarity. He’d screwed up…again. He’d done a terrible job as team lead, so bad no one respected him enough to even tell him he was being demoted.</p><p>That wasn’t how things were supposed to be. If he had done such a terrible job, shouldn’t have someone pulled him up short long before it reached the point of demotion? Shouldn’t Jenny have said something?</p><p>He put his gun away as he had done a thousand times and added his badge to the drawer as well. He turned off his cell phone and set that in there as well.</p><p>He noticed that Ducky was conspicuously absent from this happy occasion and he knew why. Ducky was still angry at Gibbs for leaving but also because he'd never mentioned his wife and daughter to him and they'd been friends for a very long time.</p><p>Tony placed piles of paper strategically to make it look like he was just sorting out his desk but instead was actually packing the last few personal items he had. No one noticed.</p><p>When he got everything packed up, he glanced over at his colleagues. Tim was rearranging his files. Ziva was looking over at Gibbs and smiling. Gibbs himself was reading something, his eyes focused on what was in front of him, but Tony didn’t doubt he’d feel her eyes on him. There was a roaring in his ears that drowned out any of the usual background office noise. He pulled out the last item in his desk. He looked at the resignation letter and tears burned his eyes. He blinked them away, filled out the date and signed it and stuffed it in the envelope.</p><p>He grabbed his bag and quietly walked away. He was almost to the top of the mezzanine stairs when he heard Gibbs call his name. He pretended not to hear and he walked into Shepherd's office.</p><p>He didn't look back.</p><p></p><div class="center">
  <p> CHAPTER 1</p>
</div>~ Three years later ~<p>Tony DiNozzo stared up at Bethesda Medical Center and wondered how in the world Dr. Brad Pitt convinced him to do this. He was voluntarily going to a hospital to be poked, prodded and interrogated.</p><p>I have to be out of my mind. Why did I agree to this?</p><p>Okay, Brad was persuasive. They, meaning Brad and his team, needed to follow the long-term effects of Y Pestis so they can develop treatments and medicines should there ever be another attack like the one that Tony had been plagued with, Brad's joke, not his. After all these years, he still didn't find plague jokes funny. In fact, he found them in very poor taste for anyone who knew he’d had the plague, and just remembering how hard it had been to breathe, he was pretty sure he'd never develop a sense of humor over the word again. </p><p>He shook his head. He had agreed to this and like it or not, he would keep his word, even if he would rather be anywhere in the world than here. For the hundredth time, he wished Stephanie was with him. He grabbed his cell phone and hit speed dial one, and followed the sidewalk that went around the building.</p><p>“Hello, this is Stephanie.”</p><p>“Hey, babe, it’s me.”</p><p>“Hey, good flight?”</p><p>“Yeah. I’m at the hospital, about to go in. Wish you were here.”</p><p>“Me, too, but you’ll be home tomorrow night.”</p><p>“Yeah. You doing okay?”</p><p>Stephanie laughed. “You just saw me this morning, you knucklehead. You know how I am!”</p><p>Tony grinned. “You were in pain this morning. I was worried about you.”</p><p>“I’m in pain every morning, Tony. That’s not new and nothing for you to worry about,” she spoke in the resigned tones of someone who’d said that way too much.</p><p>“I know, I know. Just hate not being there…what if something happens to you?”</p><p>“I wear that alert necklace, Tony. I’m fine…really. Will you please stop being a fuss-budget? I don’t want you to become one of those little old men who nags me about my adult diapers.”</p><p>Tony laughed. “Whoa, I do not have a death wish!”</p><p>“Good answer. Now, get your butt in the hospital, get this over with so you can come home.”</p><p>“Yes, dear,” Tony mimicked the hen-pecked husband routine he’d seen in the past.</p><p>“And don’t forget my postcards.”</p><p>“Yes, dear,” Tony said with a long-suffering sigh.</p><p>“Be sure you get one of each kind. If I didn’t give you enough money, get them anyway and I will you pay back.”</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. “Steeeeph, how many times do I have to tell you that you don’t owe me anything? We are married, remember?”</p><p>“Yes, but this is a frivolous expenditure and that should come out of my own pocket.”</p><p>“I’m happy to buy you postcards, you know. I don’t need you to pay me back.”</p><p>“I’m not making you pay for my silly hobbies.”</p><p>“It’s not silly. You have the coolest postcard collection I’ve ever seen.”</p><p>“Says the man who said he’d never known anyone who collected postcards.”</p><p>“Hey, all the more reason that it’s the coolest!”</p><p>“Oh, whatever,” she said with a laugh. “You’d better go. They’re waiting for you.”</p><p>“Yeah. I love you. You know that, right?”</p><p>“I know,” she said. “I guess you’re okay,” she said grudgingly, but she sort of sing-songed it so he knew she was teasing him, like that was anything new.</p><p>He felt the mischief well up and he knew just how to get her back. “That’s so not what you said this morning.”</p><p>“Well, we didn’t actually do much talking this morning.”</p><p>“You said plenty with your lips and your hands and you…”</p><p>“Tony!” she interrupted, sounding half embarrassed and half-outraged. “You’re in public!”</p><p>He laughed. “So? No one’s around. I’m walking around the building.” He could picture her blushing and it made him grin.</p><p>“Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?”</p><p>“Yeah, unfortunately. I really do love you, Mrs. DiNozzo.”</p><p>He heard her sigh dramatically and knew she was smiling. “You love calling me that, don’t you?”</p><p>“Hey, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time so yes, Mrs. DiNozzo, I do.”</p><p>Stephanie laughed. “You’re such a sap, but I love you too, husband o’mine. Now, go brave the needles. Remember what I told you to do to help you relax.”</p><p>“I’ll do my best. Love you.”</p><p>“Love you.”</p><p>Tony hit end call and turned his phone off and turned around to head back. He felt a little better now. She had that effect on him. It was still a little surreal to be married, and he fiddled a little with his wedding band, which was a plain white gold band. He smiled at it a little. It had felt like it belonged there from the moment she put it on his finger. He couldn’t imagine anything being any other way.</p><p>Finally, he took a deep breath and almost immediately started coughing. He forgot what DC’s air quality was like. Without further delay, he entered the building and found the air quality was only marginally better. He grimaced a little. He still hated hospitals. He walked in the building and noted that the pulmonary center wasn't in the same place as it was the last time he had to be here. He turned toward the correct direction and made his way down the corridor. He shored himself up and opened one of the double doors into the pulmonary wing. It was quieter in here, but he looked around and sighed. For a second, memories of blue lights flashed before his eyes and the thought made him a little lightheaded. Quickly, he pushed the thought aside. There would be no blue lights here and now. He was fine. Really.</p><p>He went up to the receptionist and quietly told her who he was. She smiled and stood up. "I heard a lot about you, Mr. DiNozzo. Please, come with me."</p><p>She opened the door to allow him back to where the examination rooms were and led him to one. A nurse came in the room right away. "Hi, Tony. I'm Ann." She handed him a few sheets of paper. "Will you please read these and fill out the last three pages? Please be as thorough as possible. We really need as much information as you can provide. She nodded toward the desk in the room.</p><p>Tony sat, and she handed him a pen. "I'll be back in about 20 minutes but take your time. We have all day."</p><p>Tony grimaced at that. He didn't want this to take all day. In fact, he wanted to leave already. The ring on the fourth finger of his left hand caught his eye and he smiled softly and took a slow, deep breath and reminded himself how lucky he was. Steph lived in constant pain all the time but she had learned some techniques to help and she’d taught them all to him. He wasn’t sure he’d remember them once he was actually in the situation, but having talked to her helped. He felt calmer.</p><p>Brad better buy me pizza after this, he thought as he read through the form before filling it out. The restaurant he used to get the pizza from was still open, and he dared Brad to say one word about how unhealthy it is. If he did, Tony swore he'd order extra meat, too.</p><p>The paperwork included an extensive medical history plus a questionnaire about his day to day activities and his breathing. Tony realized while filling it out that the questionnaire was designed specifically for him and it was thorough. Despite hating doctors and hospitals, Tony filled it out as best he could, being completely honest about everything. He knew this was important for the long-term and he would do his part.</p><p>Ann seemed to have good timing and just a few minutes after he finally completed it, she thanked him, took his blood pressure and temperature and then listened to his pulse.</p><p>"Okay, Tony. We need to get blood and urine samples, and then Dr. Pitt and his team will be in to see you."</p><p>Tony sighed. For a moment he thought about making a joke about needing a stool sample too, but given how thorough the questionnaire was, he was afraid that if he suggested it, someone might decide that was a good idea so he bit his tongue. He endured the blood test, and fortunately, the phlebotomist was friendly, competent and pretty, too. Not as pretty as Steph was, but he was biased and didn’t care. She put him at ease with friendly chatter while she did what she needed to, and he admitted to himself that this time the blood draw had been tolerable. He would never like it, but it could've been worse.</p><p>He was led back to an exam room and Ann took his blood pressure and pulse again and smiled a little at him. "I was warned you didn't like needles and your blood pressure reflects that. Try to relax, Tony. Unless something abnormal comes up on your blood work, we shouldn't need to draw any blood again."</p><p>"Good," Tony couldn't keep himself from saying.</p><p>She smiled sympathetically at him. "Dr. Pitt should be in shortly. He's happy you're here."</p><p>"He should be," Tony muttered.</p><p>Ann chuckled and left Tony alone. Not even five minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Brad opened it. "You know, it's pretty sad that no one had to tell me what room you were in. The Buckeye stench led me right to you."</p><p>Tony grinned. "What do you mean stench? Buckeye pheromones attract all the women."</p><p>Brad snorted. "Keep telling yourself that." He reached his hand out and grasped Tony's in a manly handshake and then pulled him in for a brief hug. "Good to see you, man. How are you doing?"</p><p>"Well, I've been poked, prodded, my arm hurts from the blood pressure cuff. Please tell me we're almost done here."</p><p>"Eeeh, not quite," Brad said, and he pulled up a chair and sat facing Tony. "I have a team of doctors who are interested in examining you. Some of them are part of a research team for biological attacks and others are pulmonary specialists who are assisting the research team and…well, if you outlive me, they need to be familiar with your case so they can help you if you need it."</p><p>"Brad, I don't even live in DC anymore," Tony pointed out.</p><p>"I know that, and it's probably better for your lungs that you don't given the air quality around here, but if they meet and examine you and know your history, they can consult with the doctors in your area to help and if need be, one could fly down to Florida if they absolutely have to."</p><p>Tony sighed. He understood. He really did. "I'm very healthy, Brad. I take good care of myself."</p><p>"I know, Tony, and you look it. It’s great you’ve kept yourself so healthy. As you get older though, you could develop a condition called chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and that's what I'm concerned most about."</p><p>"I know. You've given me the drill. I actually do everything you told me."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. "You think I want to live out my days on a respirator? No way, man!"</p><p>Brad nodded. "Okay, you have any questions?"</p><p>"Yeah, how long is this going to take? There's a pizza with my name on it and you're buying!"</p><p>Brad laughed. "It's going to be a bit yet but we'll try to make this go fast. I'm going to call the team in and we're going to listen to your lungs, and then get x-rays, MRI and CT scans of your lungs."</p><p>"Really? All three?"</p><p>"We want as many images as possible. We would also like to get a sample of your lung tissue, if you will let us, another reason for the CT." Brad smiled a little sheepishly.</p><p>Tony’s eyes went wide. "What?!"</p><p>"It really wouldn’t be that bad. We’ll do the imaging first, and then we’ll study the CT to if there are any areas that look like they are or might become problematic. Then, we use a local to numb it, and then use a needle through the chest wall to get a biopsy. That’s it. You might feel a little pressure and you might be sore once the lidocaine wears off, and I know you hate needles, but we'll make it as quick as possible and it would help the research team a lot to have actual tissue from a plague survivor."</p><p>"You didn't tell me you wanted to do that!” Tony accused, glaring at Brad. “If I’d known, I would’ve insisted you pay my wife’s way here, too.”</p><p>Brad sighed. "I'm sorry, Tony. I thought it was a miracle you came at all. But now that you're here, it would really help the research team a lot, and could save lives down the road. I’ll do my best to make it as easy as possible."</p><p>Tony huffed. "Well, that explains why you said not to eat anything. I should’ve known you’d want to butcher me.”</p><p>“I won’t be butchering you. It’s a needle. That’s it.”</p><p>“Must be a big needle if you’re going to get to my lung.”</p><p>“I won’t let you see the needle, I promise. Please?”</p><p>Tony pretended to think about it but he knew he’d give in, but not gracefully. “Okay, fine, but you're also buying beer too."</p><p>Brad smiled. "Done and done. Even something chocolate, if you want."</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yep! Anything except buckeyes. I won't have them in my house."</p><p>Tony laughed. He couldn't help it. "Buckeyes are awesome, man. Chocolate and peanut butter is the best."</p><p>"I'll buy you peanut butter cups, but no buckeyes."</p><p>"You really can't take it that the Wolverines are inferior to the Buckeyes, can you?"</p><p>"In your dreams, man, in your dreams."</p><p>Tony smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the day was long, interminably so. A team of physicians came in one by one to listen to Tony's lungs and he had to force himself to cough so many times his throat got sore. Then he had the imaging done and that seemed to take forever. He was ravenously hungry and he couldn't eat until the lung biopsy was done. That had raised Tony's blood pressure but Tony refused the mild tranquilizer that Brad offered. Thankfully, Brad kept his word and positioned the table and the drapes so Tony couldn’t see what they were doing.</p><p>He endured the lung biopsy stoically and he tried to think about all the techniques Steph had shown him to tolerate unpleasant doctoring and that helped a little. He let his mind wander to Steph, thinking how pretty her smile was that morning as she kissed him goodbye. He wished she was there again but thinking about her was the next best thing. He also thought about the pizza he craved and the beer and tried to shut out the discomfort of the procedure.</p><p>"Ow, ow, ow," he said, careful to not move too much despite the pain once the needle was inside his lung. "That hurts! Didn't you use any anesthetic?"</p><p>"Yes, I did," Brad soothed. "Almost done," he said, never taking his eyes off what he was doing. A nurse lightly stroked Tony's arm and talked softly to him. It helped a little, he had to admit but he wanted this over with now.</p><p>Finally, after what felt like hours, but Tony didn’t know exactly how long, they were done. They carefully cleaned and bandaged the biopsy site and slowly helped him sit up and made him wait. Another nurse, who was as friendly as the first kept him company and they gave him a light snack since his stomach had growled loudly.</p><p>Finally, Brad came back in alone. His white coat was gone and Tony could see he just wore a blue button down shirt and a pair of khaki slacks. "All right, Tony, we're done here. The research team is busy looking at everything and tomorrow, we should have all the results and then we can wrap this up and you can go home."</p><p>"Thank God!" Tony said heartfelt. "I'm exhausted."</p><p>"I know," Brad said sympathetically. "You did great. Thank you for tolerating all this for us. Now, come on, I promised you pizza and beer. Gotta feed that beast before it eats us," he teased, glancing at Tony’s stomach that was still growly.</p><p>"And chocolate!"</p><p>"You really want beer and chocolate, man?"</p><p>"Beer with pizza. Chocolate later."</p><p>"You must have a steel-lined stomach."</p><p>Tony chuckled. "Used to gross my frat brothers out with what I could eat while drunk and not puke."</p><p>Brad chuckled. "Sounds like good times."</p><p>"Oh, they were."</p><p>"Come on, let's get out of here."</p><p>It felt good to be moving after being forced to be idle for so long but Tony noticed Brad kept a close eye on him but Tony felt okay. His chest wall was numb where the local anesthetic was but he knew he’d feel it later.</p><p>“Can we go somewhere they sell a lot of postcards?” Tony asked.</p><p>Brad chuckled. “Postcards? You’re only going to be here today and part of tomorrow.”</p><p>“Steph collects them.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, that’s right. I remember you said something about that. We’ll stop.”</p><p>Tony ended up going to two stores and found a good variety and he bought one of each of the scenic ones he knew Steph liked. He smiled as he did it. It was a great way to make her happy and besides, her postcard collection really was cool. He loved helping her add to it.</p><p>They also picked up beer on the way to going to pick up the pizzas Brad had called in and then headed to Brad's house. There, Tony met Brad's wife and they sat together eating and getting acquainted and talking about their memories of the football game that had ended Tony's pro-ball dreams.</p><p>After a while, when Tony's belly was full and he'd stopped drinking, he leaned back into the sofa and closed his eyes contentedly. Brad's wife had excused herself and Brad studied him.</p><p>"What are you thinking about?" Tony asked without opening his eyes.</p><p>"Just thinking I'm glad you stayed in touch after you left here."</p><p>"You saved my life. I may need you to save it again."</p><p>"I hope it never comes to that but I'm glad I could."</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>"You ever miss living around here?" he asked.</p><p>Tony opened his eyes and sighed. "Sometimes," he admitted.</p><p>"You ever talk to Gibbs?"</p><p>Tony grimaced. "No," he said coldly. "Haven't talked to him since I left."</p><p>"He contacted me right after you left," Brad said. "Wanted to know if I knew where you were."</p><p>"That's why I didn't contact you right away. If you honestly didn't know where I was, you wouldn't have to lie."</p><p>"Where did you go after you left? No one could find you."</p><p>Tony shrugged. "Does it matter? I'm here now."</p><p>"You went into hiding."</p><p>"Sort of, yeah. I was in a bad place at the time. I needed time to get my head on straight. Figure out what I wanted. Obviously, I did."</p><p>"You miss being in law enforcement?"</p><p>Tony shrugged. "I'm still in law enforcement. I teach crime scene investigation. Turned out to be pretty good at it."</p><p>"Bet the main thing you teach is to not open unidentified envelopes."</p><p>Tony chuckled humorlessly. "I mention that now and then."</p><p>An awkward silence fell but it was brief as Brad straightened. "I've talked to Ducky a few times. He's always asked me to tell you that he would love to hear from you."</p><p>Tony sighed. "You tell me this every time you talk to me, Brad."</p><p>"And every time I see or talk to him, he asks me to remind you. So, I do. You ever talk to him?"</p><p>"Not really. I send him Christmas cards. I just…don't want to talk about why I left."</p><p>Brad huffed. "I have a confession to make." He shifted uneasily in his chair. "I…uh…told Ducky you were in town."</p><p>Tony sat up. "You what?!"</p><p>"He probably would've found out anyway, Tony. Ever since you had the plague, he's been to every pulmonary seminar I've held and has followed my career and the research team we assembled after that. He's even donated money to the team. Even if he hadn't heard it from me, he would've heard it from one of the other doctors and I wanted him to hear it from me first."</p><p>"I didn't want my old team to know I was here. Now, they all know I'm here."</p><p>"Uh, I don't think so, Tony. I had a long talk with Ducky when I told him you were going to be in town. I convinced him to tell me the circumstances of why you left. I have to say…I'd never ever seen the man angry before and hope to never see him that angry again."</p><p>Ducky was angry? Tony frowned. "What do you mean?"</p><p>"Well, you should probably get the story from Ducky himself but everyone was upset you accepted a transfer and didn't say goodbye. He said your team fell apart soon after. He still sees Tim and Abby and Gibbs but apparently Tim isn't on Gibbs' team anymore."</p><p>"Oh," Tony said, not knowing what else to say.</p><p>"The way I understood it, Gibbs came back to work and moved your stuff to your old desk and apparently no one told you Gibbs was coming back."</p><p>Tony nodded. "That sums it up."</p><p>Brad shook his head. "Unbelievable. I thought he was joking when he said that."</p><p>"Do you actually have a point in dredging all this up?" Tony finally asked, letting irritation seep into his voice.</p><p>"Ducky was hoping for a chance to speak with you while you were here. I daresay he misses you." Brad paused a moment to take a sip of his beer. "He mentioned that Gibbs wants to talk to you, too."</p><p>Tony snorted and then laughed. "Yeah, right. Gibbs wants to talk? That'll be the day."</p><p>"Ducky told me that Gibbs regrets how he came back."</p><p>"It's in the past. It doesn't matter anymore," Tony said firmly. "I moved on."</p><p>"I'm not entirely sure they have."</p><p>"That's their problem, not mine."</p><p>"Not sure you have either, not really. I remember when we met again. Even though you were sick, you still had a sense of humor but now, it’s like you force yourself to be the funny guy."</p><p>Tony's huff seemed to come from deep within. "I don't want to talk about this," Tony said listlessly. “I thought we'd sit here, eat pizza, drink beer and talk college ball days until we passed out from drunkenness or exhaustion."</p><p>Brad nodded. "Not letting you get drunk, not after the procedure you had. You're lucky I let you have two."</p><p>Tony rolled his eyes. "Okay, dad."</p><p>Brad chose to ignore the dig. "I just thought that maybe after all this time, you'd want to make peace with that, especially Gibbs."</p><p>"I have nothing to say to Gibbs."</p><p>"Maybe not, but what about Ducky?"</p><p>Tony sighed. At first, he hadn't contacted Ducky because he didn't want his team to find him and because he needed to figure things out. Later, he didn't contact him because he figured Ducky would be as angry at him for leaving as he was at Gibbs. In the past when Brad had mentioned Ducky, Tony had been reluctant to talk to him, maybe it was fear, he didn't know. Now, he really couldn't think of one good reason why he shouldn't.</p><p>"I suppose I could talk to Ducky," Tony finally said.</p><p>Brad picked his cell phone off the table and handed it to Tony. "Speed dial 9."</p><p>"Seriously? You're going to make me call him?"</p><p>"Not making you do anything, just thought it would be easier."</p><p>Tony gave Brad a look but took the phone and made the call.</p><p>"Dr. Mallard speaking," Ducky answered.</p><p>"Uh…hi Ducky, it's Tony DiNozzo."</p><p>He heard the sharp intake of breath and the gasp of surprise. "Why Anthony, it is good to hear your voice." Tony could hear the smile in his voice.</p><p>"Good to hear yours, too. Heard you wanted to talk to me."</p><p>"Indeed, lad. I heard you were in town. I would love to see you if you are willing?"</p><p>"Uh, yeah. That'd be great. Maybe tomorrow?"</p><p>"How about lunch?" Ducky said. "I know a wonderful café, I think you'll love it."</p><p>Tony couldn’t help but feel soothed by Ducky’s voice and he realized he should've contacted him long before now. In that moment, Ducky could've suggested a soup kitchen and he probably would've accepted. "Sounds good, Ducky."</p><p>After a few minutes of consulting back and forth on how long Tony would be at Bethesda the following day, Ducky agreed to pick Tony up from the hospital to take him to lunch since Tony had flown in and didn't have a car.</p><p>When Tony hung up the phone, he felt a little better than he expected though it wasn't lost on him that Ducky hadn't attempted to tell him any stories while he was on the phone. The good doctor had been quite formal. Tony didn't think that was a particularly good sign but he'd been pleasant and sounded genuinely happy to hear from him.</p><p>He thought about calling Steph to tell her the newest developments, but he knew she didn’t expect to hear from him tonight. She knew he was staying with Brad and that they’d probably talk until late.</p><p>Instead, Tony was exhausted from the physical ordeal of all the medical testing and waiting, and went to bed early in Brad's guest room. He hadn't expected to sleep after talking to Ducky, with the memories that had been dredged up but his body overrode his brain and he slept deeply through the night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day, Tony went to Bethesda with Brad and the morning was not nearly as trying as the day before. There was no further testing except that Brad wanted to listen to his lungs again since he’d had the biopsy yesterday. In fact, Tony spent the better part of the morning reading old magazines in the waiting area while Brad and his colleagues went over the results of all his tests. Then, Brad and the radiologist sat down with Tony and explained his x-ray, CT and MRI findings. Both men had compared his current imaging to the imaging done at the time of his illness and there was marked improvement.</p><p>"The Florida climate has done you well," Brad said with a smile. "I'm really pleased. I'd hate to know how bad your lungs would've looked if you continued to breathe the air around here."</p><p>Tony nodded but didn't know what to say until Brad asked him about his breathing here compared to Florida.</p><p>"I'm coughing more," Tony said. "I used my inhaler in the taxi on my way here from the airport yesterday. Forgot about that until now."</p><p>"And now?"</p><p>"My chest feels a little tight but no more than it did when I still lived here."</p><p>"I think that's probably the air pollution."</p><p>"My thought too since I don't have this tightness in Florida."</p><p>Brad nodded and made a note in Tony's chart. "Everything looks good, Tony. Better than I expected actually. Thank you for coming up here and enduring all of this. I know it sucked."</p><p>"That's an understatement," Tony said but there was no heat in it. "You did buy me the pizza I’ve been craving since I left so it was okay."</p><p>Brad smiled brightly. "You're a good sport, Tony. Always were."</p><p>He snorted. "We done here? Ducky is supposed to be here soon."</p><p>"Yeah, we got what we need and good to go. You sure you don't want a ride to the airport?"</p><p>"If Ducky doesn't end up taking me, I'll just get a cab. I'm good."</p><p>"Well, if you change your mind, call me. I really don't mind driving you there."</p><p>"I know, but you have patients to see. I know I’m not the only person you paid to come up here.”</p><p>Tony shook the hand of the radiologist and said goodbye. Once he left, Brad held out his hand. "It was really good to see you, Tony. I've actually missed ya, Buckeye stench and all."</p><p>Tony chuckled. "If you ever find yourself in Florida, call me, but you’d better be house trained. Don’t think I haven’t heard about you Wolverines."</p><p>Brad laughed and hugged Tony briefly. Then Tony left, relieved the medical portion of the trip was over. He wondered though if that was actually going to be the easy part of this trip. His chest felt a little sore from the biopsy site but Brad assured him that it should be fine in a few days but to call him if it didn't.</p><p>Ducky's Morgan pulled in just as Tony reached the entrance and Tony smiled. The doctor's timing was impeccable. Tony waved to him and Ducky pulled up to the entrance, leaned over and opened the passenger side door.</p><p>"Anthony, I did not expect to see you waiting. I thought I would have to find you. It is so good to see you, my boy." Ducky's smile was warm.</p><p>"Good to see you, too, Ducky." Tony squeezed into the Morgan. It was a little cramped but not unbearably so.</p><p>"You must be hungry."</p><p>"I could eat."</p><p>Ducky chuckled. "I have missed hearing you say that, Anthony."</p><p>"Thanks, Ducky."</p><p>"So, how are you? Did everything go all right?" he looked toward the hospital even as he looked out his rear-view window for traffic.</p><p>"Yep, clean bill of health," Tony confirmed.</p><p>"That is wonderful to hear."</p><p>The café was near the hospital and were seated promptly.</p><p>Ducky waited until after their order was taken before he spoke again. "I am glad you called me, Anthony. It's been a very long time."</p><p>Tony sighed. "Too long."</p><p>"If I may be so impertinent to ask, why did you never contact me?"</p><p>Tony sighed but shored himself up, realizing he was actually ready for this conversation. He just didn’t know he was ready until he was having it. "I really didn’t think you'd want to talk to me. I remember how angry you were after Gibbs left. I figured my leaving would have inspired the same reaction."</p><p>"I won't deny we were all…perplexed that you left, but once the smoke cleared, I couldn't say I really blamed you. We all behaved…less than nobly," Ducky said carefully with a tinge of sadness in his voice.</p><p>"I could've handled some things better, too, and I didn't."</p><p>"I am certain there is blame to go around. That said, there was absolutely no excuse for Jethro's abominable behavior on his return."</p><p>The anger in his voice made Tony look up. "Are you and Gibbs still on the outs?"</p><p>"No. We resolved our differences. It does not make me less angry about how he treated you though."</p><p>"As you said, there is blame to go around."</p><p>"Do you regret leaving, Anthony?"</p><p>"Not…exactly. I think moving on was for the best."</p><p>"Oh," Ducky said slowly and he looked sad. Tony hated seeing that look on his face, but it was true. Maybe he could've handled a few things better, like saying goodbye to Ducky, but at the time, he thought a clean break was the right thing to do. He was wrong, he could see that now, but if nothing else, he’d needed to get away.</p><p>Their food arrived then and the topic was dropped as they ate as both men were hungry. When they were done, Tony took a sip of his water and then sighed. "This was good, thanks, Ducky."</p><p>"Thank you for joining me. I was most pleased to hear from you."</p><p>"I should've contacted you sooner. I'm sorry, Ducky. I just…it hurt so much."</p><p>"I don't doubt that at all. Abigail, Timothy and Ziva were quite…difficult at times."</p><p>"Well, we were thrown in a situation we were unprepared for. There was no transition. One day I'm the guy that jokes around and teases them mercilessly and they give it right back. The next day I'm their boss. That's why I cut them slack, to give them time to get used to the change. Tim seemed to, but..."</p><p>Ducky's face crumpled. "I am deeply sorry I wasn't there for you as I should have been. I was full of bitterness at the time."</p><p>"You weren't part of the problem, Ducky."</p><p>"Perhaps not, but I fear I wasn't part of the solution either."</p><p>"Water under the bridge, Ducky. I moved on."</p><p>"I don't believe any of us has truly moved on. I still see pain in your eyes. Are you certain that you've moved on, Anthony? "</p><p>Tony sighed. He forgot how good Ducky was seeing past his bravado. "Mostly, I guess."</p><p>"Anthony, would you consider perhaps speaking with Jethro? He is certainly not the same man he was when you left. I think when you left, it was a wake-up call to him."</p><p>"Always thought he'd be happy to get rid of me."</p><p>Ducky looked stricken by the words and he shook his head sadly. "Actually, Anthony, he was quite distraught when you left. It ultimately changed him for the better, but he…" Ducky trailed off, thinking. "I should not say more lest I break a confidence I shouldn't. I do believe it would do both of you a lot of good to speak and clear the air. He has things to say you need to hear and he has questions for which he needs answers from you."</p><p>Tony inhaled deeply.</p><p>"Anthony, this may be the last chance you get. I know your flight leaves this evening. Will you please go speak with Jethro? If you do not like what he has to say, we can leave, no questions asked and I will drive you to the airport myself."</p><p>Tony huffed. "I'm not sure this is a good idea, Ducky. He may not like what I have to say."</p><p>"I am sure he won't, but that does not mean he doesn't need to hear it."</p><p>Tony sighed. This all felt inevitable. "All right," he finally agreed, dragging the words out. "He knows I'm here, doesn't he?"</p><p>"Yes, and he knows we're having lunch."</p><p>"Did he ask you to convince me to go see him?"</p><p>"Actually, no. I know he would like to speak with you but he did not ask me to convince you to do so."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"Shall we? We only have a few precious hours before you have to get to the airport."</p><p>The drive to Gibbs' house was in near-silence until they entered Gibbs' neighborhood. "Why isn't he at work? It's Friday."</p><p>Ducky looked left and right before looking forward again at traffic. "He's retired, Anthony."</p><p>"When did he do that?"</p><p>"About three months after you left."</p><p>"What? Really?"</p><p>"Yes, really."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"You will have to ask Jethro. It's his story to tell."</p><p>They fell silent again for the rest of the ride.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Ducky pulled into Gibbs' driveway, Gibbs was sitting on the front porch and Tony could see he was sipping from a coffee mug. Tony smirked a little to himself. Some things don't change. Gibbs and coffee seemed to be one of those unchangeable absolutes, like death and taxes.</p><p>Gibbs stood up when he saw the passenger door open and Tony stood there a moment and their eyes met. Gibbs looked genuinely surprised to see him. He and Ducky walked to the porch and climbed the stairs.</p><p>Tony noted that Gibbs looked younger than he had when he last seen him and healthier.</p><p>"Tony," Gibbs' voice sounded stunned. "I…" Words seemed to stick in his throat and no more came out.</p><p>"As good with words as you always were, I see. Some things never change."</p><p>That seemed to break the ice and Gibbs smiled then, a bright, warm smile that lit up his face. "It's…really good to see you. You want some coffee? Can you stay a while?"</p><p>"My flight leaves tonight. Coffee would be good. You got cream and sugar?"</p><p>Gibbs smiled and nodded. "Come on."</p><p>All three men went into the house and Gibbs got down a mug and poured coffee. "Ducky, you want tea?"</p><p>"I'm fine for now, Jethro. Thank you."</p><p>Tony looked around Gibbs' house and was a little surprised by some of the changes. Gibbs had a new couch and recliner and a new dining table and chairs. In the living room he noted photos of Shannon and Kelly were on the mantle and Tony stopped and did a double take at them. Ducky hadn't been kidding about Gibbs changing. That was new to him. There were other photos on the mantle and Tony recognized an old photo of him that he didn't even know Gibbs had. He made a mental note to look at it more closely later.</p><p>In the kitchen, Tony added milk and sugar to his coffee and put the milk away himself, noticed that Gibbs had a new refrigerator. Looking around, it struck him that he'd updated the kitchen. It didn't look like a leftover relic from the late 70s/early 80s and Gibbs actually had food in the refrigerator. That was new too.</p><p>Gibbs directed Tony to sit on the couch and Ducky sat on the other side of Tony. Gibbs sat in his recliner. "So…how've you been?" Gibbs asked.</p><p>"Good," Tony said. "You?"</p><p>"Better, now," he said softly. "I'm glad you're here."</p><p>"Uh…thanks."</p><p>"Gentlemen, would this be easier if I made myself scarce?" He hesitated only a moment. "Do not answer that. It is quite evident that it would be. I will sit on the porch and leave you two to discuss things privately." He got up and left the room closing the door firmly behind him almost before either could react.</p><p>There was an awkward silence and Tony set his coffee mug down on the table and stood up, wandered over to the mantle. There were several photos, three of which Tony recognized as Gibbs' first wife and daughter. One of them was all three of them sitting together, Kelly in between, Gibbs and Shannon shoulder-to-shoulder laughing at the camera, Kelly had a big toddler grin on her face. One was just Shannon and Kelly and another was Gibbs and Kelly. Tony's eyes skimmed another picture and saw a fourth, one of Gibbs and Shannon on their wedding day. Tony smiled a little at that one. He'd never seen Gibbs look so young and so happy. In a slightly larger frame on the right side of the mantle was a photo of Gibbs and an older man and Tony instantly saw the family resemblance. In the lower right hand side of the photo was a date and the photo was taken about seven months before. "This your dad?" Tony asked.</p><p>Gibbs nodded.</p><p>"You never once mentioned your dad the whole time I worked for you."</p><p>"We didn't speak back then. We made up about a year or so ago."</p><p>Tony nodded and recognized Fornell and his daughter, Emily, in one of the photos. Emily looked young in the photo, and she was grinning and hugging Fornell and he was laughing. Tony smiled at the photo. He'd never had much use for Fornell himself, but knew he wasn't a bad guy and seeing the happiness on Emily's face was proof of that.</p><p>There was a photo of Ducky smiling with mischief in his eyes. Tony smiled at that one too. Finally, he came to the photo that he was most curious about. It was a picture of himself. Tony didn't recognize it. He had his NCIS cap on and he was looking off into the distance, his eyes serious, like he was looking for someone or something, obviously unaware of the camera. He knew the photo had to have been taken three-plus years ago but he seemed to look much younger.</p><p>"Where'd this come from?" he finally asked, holding up the small frame and showing it to Gibbs.</p><p>"I took that photo at a crime scene a couple months before Kate died. You were scanning the crowd of onlookers and that moment seemed to capture everything about why I wanted you on my team, why I trusted you. Found it after you left."</p><p>Tony turned to him. "And you never thought to tell me that when I was on your team?"</p><p>Gibbs sighed. "I made a lot of mistakes with you."</p><p>Tony didn't see the point of dragging out the inevitable. "Yeah, like bringing me to NCIS at all."</p><p>"No!" Gibbs said immediately. "I was never sorry about that."</p><p>"Then what?"</p><p>Gibbs sighed and he looked up at Tony and seemed to study his face. "About how I came back. Should’ve told you first. Was meant to be a surprise…thought you’d be happy…didn’t think about how it would look to you.” Gibbs sighed, like he’d been thinking about this for a long time.</p><p>Tony stepped forward, his eyes snapped with anger as he got in Gibbs' face. "This is why I never wanted to confront you. I knew I’d just get mad.”</p><p>Gibbs looked ashamed and he dropped his eyes. "I know, Tony. I know. I should never have done that."</p><p>"Then why did you?" Tony bit out.</p><p>"I'm a bastard, Tony. You've always known that."</p><p>Tony felt his body swell with renewed anger that came from deep inside. "I knew this was a mistake. Ducky told me you're not the same man that you were then. I wanted so badly to believe that so I agreed to come here. But if you're still using that same pathetic excuse to justify your act, then you haven't changed at all.”</p><p>“You leaving forced me to pull my head out of my-"</p><p>"Yeah, right," Tony interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Goodbye, Gibbs." Tony started for the door but Gibbs' voice pulled him up short.</p><p>"I did it because I wanted things to go back to normal. I wanted things to be the same as they were when I left. I wanted my team back. I wanted to forget there were gaps in my memory I couldn't fill. I remembered the job. I thought reclaiming my desk would make things feel normal. Tim and Ziva were happy to see me. Then, Abby got so excited and it just felt good to be wanted, needed again. I was selfish, thoughtless and…and careless. I can't undo it and I hope you can forgive me."</p><p>The silence that followed was deafening.</p><p>Tony tried to contain his anger and not explode, but he couldn’t do it. He’d held onto all this for so long and now he just wanted to be rid of it once and for all. "You demoted Tim and me in front of everyone! You made us both look incompetent, like we couldn't manage without you. It didn't matter that our solve rate didn't drop. It didn't matter that we were starting to find our footing as a team. You just dropped in and took back over like nothing else mattered. Selfish, thoughtless and careless? Yes, no and no. You knew exactly what you were doing and if you had to do it all over again, you would've done the same thing because the only person you cared about was YOU!" Tony shouted so loud at the end that he heard the door open and Ducky stepped in. Tony didn’t look over and could see that Gibbs didn’t either.</p><p>Tony licked his lips and exhaled harshly, his chest hurting, and he lowered his voice. "Everything you've ever done was all about you," he continued, and his voice was broken. "Finding me when I was in trouble was about you not tarnishing your record. Don't tell me it wasn't. 'You'd never lost an agent before and you weren't going to start then.' I heard about you saying that so don't deny it."</p><p>Tony paused for breath. "Looking out for Abby was to keep her on your good side because you knew that having her as an enemy was almost worse than having any Marine as an enemy. Same could be said for Ducky actually," Tony said with a nod at the older man who stood uncertainly in the doorway to the living room. </p><p>"Team the two of them up and no one would ever find any evidence or bodies. That kind of ally is hard to discount. Looking out for Tim was pride that you could turn a nerdy computer geek into a tough federal agent able to withstand the worst. And we all know you preened like a peacock when any of us were complimented because you took credit for all of it, even when it was me who actually did most of their training."</p><p>Gibbs closed his eyes for a moment and his grip on the mantle was so hard his knuckles turned white. "That really what you think of me?" he finally managed to say.</p><p>"I think you're a selfish bastard who put everything above the well-being of his team and himself."</p><p>Ducky gasped. "Anthony!" he breathed.</p><p>Tony ignored him. "Getting away from you gave me a chance to think objectively. I would've followed you to hell and back, Gibbs. I was so blind. I look back and I'm embarrassed at how willing I was to do anything to make you proud of me. I thought you being proud meant something important."</p><p>"But then you moved all my stuff to Tim's desk. You put all Tim’s stuff in a box and put it on his old desk. That just proved that not only did you not care about me but you didn't care about him either, and you were never going to."</p><p>"Not true," Gibbs whispered, even in a whisper, the two words sounded broken.</p><p>"You sure? Maybe it's just a little true, but then, you'd never admit it."</p><p>"I just said I was wrong!" Gibbs yelled. "What the hell more do you want?"</p><p>Tony considered the question for a moment and it gave both of them a chance to calm down a little. "Does Tim know you knew you were wrong? Did it ever occur to you to apologize for how you treated him?"</p><p>"That what you want? For me to apologize to him?"</p><p>"Only if you'd mean it. If not, don't waste his time."</p><p>"I never apologized to McGee, or you, because I have never apologized for things I did intentionally in the moment. After you left, I realized how bad I screwed everything up. You both got shafted because of me and I knew that. I was a lousy team lead before and after you left. After you were gone, I tried to change how I did things but it only made things worse and that's why I retired. Before I did, I told McGee I was retiring because he deserved a chance to thrive under a good team lead and that I would never be the kind of team lead he needed."</p><p>Tony's jaw slacked open. "You really said that to him?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Oh," Tony said, a light blush appearing on his face. "Didn't know that."</p><p>Ducky cleared his throat. "Anthony, did you know that Timothy is a senior field agent now? He's thriving on his team and he has gained Director Vance's favor. I expect we'll see great things from him someday, perhaps sooner than we otherwise would expect."</p><p>Tony looked over at Ducky then and smiled a warm, gratified smile. "I'm really glad for him, Ducky."</p><p>A calmer silence fell over the men in the room. Finally, Tony looked at Gibbs. "I think we’ve said all there is to say. I should go."</p><p>"You really hate me that much then?"</p><p>Tony closed his eyes for a moment. "Don't hate you, Gibbs. Never did. I learned a lot from you. I'm just not willing to put up with a bastard anymore. If nothing else, the last three years have shown me that I deserve better. It took me a long time to figure that out, and with a lot of help, but I have. I want to be around people who let me know they want me around. I want people I like and who like me. I want people who I can respect and will respect me in return. I don't want to have to maintain the status quo when I'm having a bad day because that's what everyone expects. I just…I just want to be me and not have to live up to someone else's expectation, which are usually out of reach. Yeah, you set high standards for us to reach and we reached them, but it came at a high cost. Standards shouldn't be set so high and cost so much."</p><p>"I heartily agree with you, Anthony. I always felt you were all being pushed too hard but Jethro would never listen to me."</p><p>"Hey! I'm right here!" Gibbs glared at Ducky.</p><p>Tony raised an eyebrow and looked at Ducky. "Thought you said he changed."</p><p>"Well, in some ways," Ducky answered, smiling a little sheepishly. He turned to Jethro. "I wasn't saying anything to Anthony that I haven't said to you a thousand times." There was a note of censure in his voice.</p><p>Gibbs rolled his eyes and huffed. "We're done yelling. You can go back outside."</p><p>"Very well. Do try not to leave each other in a pool of blood."</p><p>"Not going to happen," Gibbs promised.</p><p>"Good, because I really do not wish to use my aforementioned skills."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the door was closed, both men were quiet for a few minutes to regain their equilibrium. Gibbs got up and refilled their coffee, and Tony heard him run the water for a minute. When he returned he handed the cup over and Tony was only half-surprised to find it fixed the way he liked it. He took a cautious sip but deemed it palatable.</p><p>Gibbs sat back down in his recliner but he was tense. "Was really hoping we could lay all this crap to rest and maybe start over."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because things feel unfinished between you and me. Even if I am a selfish bastard."</p><p>Tony couldn't deny that he'd thought the same thing but he didn't know what was unfinished. "Yeah," he finally said and winced at how lame that sounded even to his own ears. He took a deep breath. "I need to sit down. My chest is killing me." He walked over to the couch and sank back down on it, much more relaxed than he had been now that he'd said…well, shouted…what he needed to. He was surprised at how comfortable he was, especially when he remembered Gibbs' old couch.</p><p>"What's wrong?"</p><p>"Brad's team wanted a sample of my lung tissue. Had a needle biopsy."</p><p>Gibbs grimaced. "Is the pain bad? I have some over-the-counter stuff if you want it."</p><p>"Yeah, no aspirin though. Probably shouldn't do a blood thinner."</p><p>Gibbs left the room and returned with a bottle of acetaminophen. Tony smiled gratefully and took two capsules and swallowed them with the coffee. "Thanks."</p><p>Silence fell again and Tony knew they were running out of time to have any conversation in-person. He had just over an hour before he had to leave for the airport. He thought about how in times past they’d sometimes shared a steak and a beer or two. "In the past we always drank beer together."</p><p>"I quit drinking."</p><p>That made Tony sit up. "What?"</p><p>"You heard me."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because I was drinking too much. Feeling sorry for myself. So, I stopped. Haven't had a drop in over two years."</p><p>"What was the eye-opener?"</p><p>"If I had kept drinking the way I was, I'd probably be dead."</p><p>"And I always thought you had a death wish."</p><p>"Could say the same about you."</p><p>"You kept me alive."</p><p>"Yeah, you kept me alive, too. When you left…it felt wrong without you watching my six."</p><p>Tony nodded. "That's how I felt when you went to Mexico."</p><p>"Who's watching your six now?"</p><p>Tony smiled and realized Gibbs didn't know what he did for a living. "No one. I'm not a field agent anymore."</p><p>"What?! Why? I thought you still worked for NCIS!"</p><p>"I do. I even still have my title, but I don’t work as a field agent. I teach now."</p><p>"Teach?" Gibbs repeated stupidly.</p><p>"Advanced Investigative Techniques is the name of the course. It's a course I developed that specializes in evidence analysis, how to spot patterns, how one thing can open several avenues of investigation to uncover more leads, stuff like that. It’s especially for NCIS because quite a bit of it is specifically geared toward investigations involving the military. CGIS and Army CID heard about it and expressed interest in it and truthfully, a lot would apply to them, too, but I haven’t been able to get approval to work with either one yet. I think it’ll happen eventually though."</p><p>"Oh.” Gibbs thought for a minute. “You like it?"</p><p>"Yeah. At first, I thought I'd be stuck in a classroom all the time, but it's not like that. I actually have a huge work area in which I can set up mock crime scenes to practice. I actually use old cases to draw inspiration from. It's become a required class for all NCIS agents, old and new. Had Tim in class once even.”</p><p>"How'd he do?"</p><p>Tony smiled. "It’s Tim. He did great. He also admitted that he used to read all my reports and try to figure out how I figured out things. He admitted it used to drive him crazy because he couldn't get in my head to see the path of thought."</p><p>"You two are friends?"</p><p>"Eeeh, not exactly," Tony admitted. "I mean, it's not like in the past when we were on the same team. It was a different dynamic because I was instructor and he was the student but we had a few drinks at his hotel that night and talked a bit. I'd call him a friendly colleague, I guess. Happy to see each other when we do, good to have a drink with, reminisce about the team, but I don't think we were ever going to be best buds or anything."</p><p>"No, probably not."</p><p>"He got married, ya know?"</p><p>"Yeah, I heard. What about you? You ever settle down?"</p><p>Tony smiled. "Yeah, I did actually. Got married about four months ago."</p><p>Gibbs smiled a little. "Wasn't sure you'd ever take that step."</p><p>"Yeah, well, my wife is one of a kind."</p><p>Gibbs chuckled. "Aren't they all? What's her name?"</p><p>Tony shifted in his seat a little uneasily. "Not sure you'll like it."</p><p>Gibbs frowned. "Why?"</p><p>"Her name is Stephanie."</p><p>Gibbs chuckled. "You thought I'd be upset because your wife shares the same name as my ex?"</p><p>"Didn't know if the name would dredge up bad memories for you."</p><p>Gibbs shook his head. "Nah. It's a common name. Not like she has a monopoly on it."</p><p>"True. And my Stephanie is nothing like yours."</p><p>"I hope not. Let's see her picture."</p><p>"Seriously?"</p><p>"Yeah. Let's see the woman who convinced you that marriage was a good idea." He smirked to let Tony know he was teasing.</p><p>Tony smiled back. He stretched his legs so he could reach into his pocket and pull out his wallet. He flipped the photos and handed the wallet over.</p><p>Gibbs looked at the photo for a minute. A pretty blonde woman in a blue shirt and a mischievous smile graced the photo. "Huh, she's blonde."</p><p>"Uh huh."</p><p>"Could’ve sworn you once said you preferred brunettes?"</p><p>"Used to prefer any female that wasn't a red head. I knew I’d never get them past you."</p><p>Gibbs laughed. "She's beautiful. Looks like she keeps you in line."</p><p>Tony chuckled. "That, she does. She’s as smart as she is beautiful."</p><p>Gibbs chuckled. "Happy for you, Tony."</p><p>Tony knew he had a stupid smile on his face, but he didn’t care. Happiness had been a long time in coming and he savored every moment of it. "Thanks. She's the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time. Well, even if she does have coffee breath in the morning."</p><p>"Should've been used to it after working with me."</p><p>"Her breath is much better than yours. I think you used to sweat coffee actually. Seemed to come out your pores."</p><p>Gibbs snorted. "I don't drink as much coffee as I used to. Down to four cups a day."</p><p>"Surprised your kidneys still work."</p><p>"I drink a lot of water," he said and held up his bottle.</p><p>"Ducky must be thrilled and thinks you're finally listening to him after all these yours."</p><p>"Yeah, well, I do actually. Healthier than I've ever been."</p><p>"That's good to hear, Gibbs. You ever get married again?"</p><p>Gibbs gave Tony a look of disbelief. "Can't afford any more ex-wives."</p><p>Tony laughed.</p><p>The front door opening drew their attention. "It's nice to hear laughter, gentlemen. I thought I would fix myself some tea if I'm not interrupting a private discussion."</p><p>"Water is already on, Duck." And at that moment, the tea kettle started whistling.</p><p>"Ah, that is my cue. Thank you, Jethro."</p><p>"Tea is on the counter," he called to Ducky's back.</p><p>Gibbs looked over at Tony. "Missed this. We used to do this more, a long time ago. Just sit around, talk, laugh a bit."</p><p>"Yeah, we did. Then you stopped inviting me."</p><p>"Told you my door was always open."</p><p>"Then at work you'd treat me like you couldn't stand to have me around. Hard to take that seriously."</p><p>Gibbs sighed and ran his hands down his face. "Another in a long line of mistakes. Sometimes I wonder why they kept me as a team lead."</p><p>"You'd been with the agency a long time. You knew people and secrets. No one was going to mess with you. Even I knew that."</p><p>"Yeah, I suppose. Doesn't mean much."</p><p>"Maybe in some circles."</p><p>Gibbs shrugged. "Not really how I want to live my life now. Back then, throwing my weight around due to what I knew and who owed me worked. Now, just want my friends around and one of my best friends isn't." Gibbs looked right at Tony. "I know you don't think we were friends and I'm sorry for that more than I can say. I want us to be friends again, better than before. Life is too short."</p><p>"Why Jethro, that was sentimental for you."</p><p>Gibbs scowled at Ducky who had entered the room with his tea. "Running out of time here, Duck. I'll do sentimental when it counts."</p><p>Ducky chuckled. "I know, Jethro. I was teasing you."</p><p>"Bad timing, Duck."</p><p>"He's right. We're running out of time. I just don't know if I should trust you again. You're still a bastard and I don't want to put up with that. And more importantly, I don't want my wife to put up with that. She's known enough bastards in her life. I am very careful who I allow in."</p><p>Gibbs nodded. "Understood."</p><p>There was silence for a moment as Tony thought, and then he smiled. He looked over at Gibbs and Gibbs raised an eyebrow curiously. </p><p>"You join the 21st century yet?" Tony asked. "You ever learn to use e-mail?"</p><p>Gibbs' eyes lit up. "I used to use it at work."</p><p>Tony's face scrunched in confusion. "You did?" Gibbs glared. Tony grinned. "Why don't we start there and see how it goes? Just…I better not be the only one doing the writing."</p><p>Gibbs smiled and nodded. He straightened in his chair and turned toward the table by his chair and opened the drawer, pulled out notepad and pen. He handed them over and Tony wrote down his e-mail and his cell number.</p><p>Gibbs ripped off the top sheet, wrote his down and gave it to Tony. </p><p>Tony stared at the paper a moment and frowned at the e-mail address. It was his old NCIS address. "Uh, Gibbs. When was the last time you used e-mail?"</p><p>"At NCIS, why?"</p><p>"You do realize this e-mail isn't going to be active anymore, right? You retired. They would've deleted it."</p><p>"Oh." Gibbs cursed. "Okay, so I guess I need to call Tim."</p><p>"Or Abby."</p><p>Gibbs' back stiffened at mention of her name.</p><p>"Or not Abby." Tony looked curious and his eyes flicked to the mantle. "She's not on your mantle. How come?"</p><p>Gibbs picked up his coffee and downed the rest of it before looking into his cup and sighing. "She and I…aren’t close now."</p><p>"Really? What happened?"</p><p>Gibbs looked sad. "Long story. Short version, me leaving the way I did changed her, not for the better. Then, when you left, it was even worse. Tried to help her but…well, she’s okay now, but for a while she was unbearable.”</p><p>“Huh,” Tony said thoughtfully. He fell quiet for a moment and then snorted humorlessly. "Abby sent me a lot of e-mails after I left. She assumed I was mad at you because of how you treated me. She even reminded me that I wasn't the only one demoted. She accused me of leaving McGee high and dry. She thought in my mind it was all about me. She never even asked. I never responded to her e-mails."</p><p>Tony looked back up at Gibbs again and the fire was back. His voice was hard when he spoke. "The truth was I was angrier at you for how you treated McGee than I was at how you treated me. I knew no one would believe me so I never bothered to tell anyone that. When I went to Shepherd to resign, I told her that McGee had the potential to be a good senior field agent but he needed anyone but you to finish training him because you would never offer the time and guidance he needed to be good. I wanted to, but there was no transition time from me being the guy who pranked him all the time to me being a man he could respect and take orders from."</p><p>Tony took a deep breath. "I thought I had plenty of time but then you got blown up, everything changed so fast. I didn't handle my time as your senior field agent as well as I should have. I think we all believed you were invincible. That's another mistake I will never make again…about anyone."</p><p>“I never wanted you to think I was invincible.”</p><p>“Maybe not, but you didn’t do a whole lot to discourage anyone from thinking it earlier.”</p><p>Gibbs hesitated and then nodded reluctantly.</p><p>They sat in silence for a little longer, the three of them thinking.</p><p>“Abby still misses you,” Gibbs said finally. “She once told me she’d still love to talk to you, and she seemed to feel bad about how she treated you while I was in Mexico.”</p><p>Tony didn’t speak but nodded. The truth was that he partially blamed himself for her behavior. He indulged her when he took Gibbs’ place because he knew she missed him. Maybe he could’ve handled her better, too, but he’d been trying to hold everything together and he’d chalked her behavior up to being upset and missing Gibbs. Maybe if he’d been more firm...</p><p>He sighed, Coulda, woulda, shoulda never did anyone any good.</p><p>Finally, Tony looked up. “You got a computer around here?”</p><p>“Yeah. Laptop.”</p><p>“You know how to use it?”</p><p>“Mostly.”</p><p>“Boot it up.”</p><p>Gibbs got up and fished a laptop out of the cupboard in the table beside his recliner and took it to the coffee table and got it going. In moments, Gibbs looked up at him.</p><p>“Ready.”</p><p>Tony sat down beside him and brought the laptop closer to him. With a few taps and a little typing, he then handed the laptop back to Gibbs. “Type in a password, something easy for you to remember but no one else would be able to get.”</p><p>Gibbs didn’t hesitate and typed something that Tony counted to be about 10 characters in length.</p><p>“You going to remember all that?” Tony asked, his eyes wide.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Okay.” He wanted to ask what it was but the whole point of having a password is that no one else knew it. “Make sure you write it down somewhere. Sometimes different websites ask you to add symbols and numbers, too and you have to put variations on an old standby. It’ll get harder to keep track of which site has what.”</p><p>Gibbs nodded and grabbed his notepad and wrote it down. Tony noted in that moment it was very strange for Gibbs to do as he was asked.</p><p>Gibbs closed the notepad and put it back in his pocket.</p><p>“Click okay.” Gibbs did so. “There ya go, Gibbs. You have your own personal e-mail address now. I kept it simple, even you should remember that. I bookmarked the page for you so you can find it again.”</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>Tony spent a minute showing Gibbs how to use the e-mail site and Gibbs paid attention. “You really going to write to me or is this a waste of time?”</p><p>“I’ll really write.”</p><p>“Okay,” Tony said.</p><p>“Anthony, we should probably be going.”</p><p>“Would it be okay…if I took you to the airport instead?” Gibbs asked, meeting Tony’s eyes.</p><p>Ducky smirked a little when both men looked at him. “That is quite alright by me. It was good to see you again, Anthony. And do stay in touch this time.” Ducky pressed a piece of paper in Tony’s hand.</p><p>Tony smiled when he saw it was Ducky’s personal e-mail address. “I will, Ducky. Thanks.”</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
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  <p>CHAPTER 6</p>
</div>They all left at the same time, Tony and Gibbs to go to the airport and Ducky presumably heading home. It was silent for a few minutes as Gibbs eased into traffic. Tony noted he didn’t drive like a maniac anymore, but didn’t comment on it.<p>When they arrived at the airport, Gibbs parked and sat there a moment, and stared out the windshield, his face looked sad. “I lost a lot when you left. I appreciate the second chance. I know it’s more than I deserve.”</p><p>Tony let those words sink in for a moment and finally, he spoke. “I never told Steph much about you, at least not to a great extent. I don’t like thinking about that time in my life. I guess deep down I knew we’d talk again someday and I didn’t want her perceptions of you to be colored by me. That said…she’s really smart and she knows I’ve been hurt. She saw through me from moment one and wouldn’t let me get away with hiding from her. If…and that’s a big if…we are able to save whatever friendship we might’ve had, she’s not going to let you get away with it either. Think about that before you decide this is worth it because should you two ever meet, it’s her you will have to prove yourself to, and she’s no one’s fool.”</p><p>Gibbs actually smiled. “She takes good care of you then.”</p><p>“Yeah, she does.”</p><p>Gibbs took a long, deep breath and then exhaled it sharply. “I’m sorry, Tony. I’m sorry I let you down so bad. I’ll do my best to not ever do it again…but can I ask you one thing?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Why did you have Ziva deported?”</p><p>Tony looked over at Gibbs with a start. “What?”</p><p>“Why did you get Ziva deported?”</p><p>“What are you talking about? I never did anything like that.”</p><p>Gibbs looked genuinely confused. “You didn’t?”</p><p>“No!” Tony exclaimed. “Why would you think I did?”</p><p>Gibbs looked startled, like everything he’d believed to be true was turned on its axis. “Ziva got deported soon after you left. I’d been led to believe you had your hands in it.”</p><p>Tony’s eyes went wide. “That’s a hell of an assumption to make!”</p><p>“Tony, I didn’t mean…I just…I thought…” Gibbs swore when words failed him and took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I was told they talked to you and they led me to believe you felt Ziva was a threat to national security.”</p><p>Tony made a derisive noise. “Who? The FBI?” At Gibbs’ nod, Tony rolled his eyes. “I will never understand why the FBI has it in for me, but that explains a few things I didn’t understand then.”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Couple of FBI goons came to my office in Florida…I think it was about a week after I got there. They wanted to know about working with Ziva. Told me they were investigating a matter of national security but wouldn’t give me any details. I called Director Shepherd and she told me to cooperate with them, tell them what they wanted to know, and to not dirty my hands in it. Six months later, I found out she was back in Israel but I didn’t know she’d been deported.”</p><p>“So Shepherd knew about it.”</p><p>“Yeah, she did, but she never told me why Ziva was being investigated and to be honest, at the time I didn’t really care.”</p><p>Gibbs huffed and then nodded. “She’s presumed dead, you know? Ziva, I mean.” Gibbs said softly, sadness in his voice. “Apparently was sent on a mission to Africa. Never came back. Her body has never been found. I tried to find out what happened…but no one claimed to know anything and Mossad claimed no knowledge either.”</p><p>Tony shook his head sadly. He and Ziva had their differences, but he’d never wanted anything bad to happen to her. “While I still have time, I always wondered… What did she do?” he finally asked. “What’d she do to earn your trust so fast? I think I know what she did but I want to hear it from you.”</p><p>“What do you think you know?” Gibbs asked.</p><p>“No one looked too closely at the details of Ari’s death but what you said happened didn’t make sense with what evidence I saw. I always suspected Ziva actually pulled the trigger.”</p><p>Gibbs breathing turned ragged for a moment. “I hope your wife knows how smart you are,” Gibbs finally said, emphasis on the word you.</p><p>“So I’m right.”</p><p>Gibbs didn’t vocalize the answer. He just reached over and lightly squeezed Tony’s shoulder, an affirmation without verbal admission. Tony nodded. That was enough.</p><p>“Come on,” Gibbs said. “You have a flight to catch.”</p><p>Gibbs accompanied Tony into the terminal and waited for him to get checked in. There was a long line at the metal detector. “I better go,” Tony said jerking his head toward it.</p><p>He and Gibbs faced each other. “I’ll write soon. We have a lot of catching up to do.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Tony said, surprised.</p><p>“Yes,” Gibbs affirmed, completely serious. “Not a fast typist, but…I’ll write. Glad we had a chance to talk.”</p><p>“And yell.”</p><p>“Yeah, you needed that…and I deserved it.”</p><p>“Glad we agree about that.”</p><p>“All right, get outta here. Take care.”</p><p>“You too.”</p><p>Tony suddenly had a lump in his throat and wished he didn’t have to head out quite so fast. It still felt like there was a lot left unsaid but he had a life to get back to and airlines were notoriously impatient.</p><p>Before Tony could decide whether to say anything else, Gibbs surprised him and reached out and gave him a brief hug and ruffled his hair a little. Then, before Tony could blink, Gibbs was walking toward the door and he wondered if Gibbs’ eyes were as wet as his was. He blinked it away and turned back toward the line for the metal detectors.</p><p>Maybe…just maybe…they could be friends after all.</p>
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